Cleaned out closets/ 4 months on T

So yesterday was my 4 months on T mark; pretty cool, I know.  My voice continues to get lower.  I am starting to see the hair grow on my thighs as well as my upper lip (it really just looks like I need to shave, but when people look up close the hairs are long they are just really fine).  Obviously as my voice changes my singing range also changes, and I can now sing along with a lot of my favorite male led bands but some of the songs I know and love (that are female led bands) I need to sing it down the octave.

I took a big step the other day as well.  I got rid of all my old clothes.  I had some dresses (or skirts) here and there (for special occasions), female pants and shirts and I went through them all and they are now in bags just waiting to be donated.  It took me a lot longer to get around to it then I had thought it would but now it is done!  Lets see what I do next...

Surgery fund

So at the shop I put a jar on the front counter, and rather than putting "TIPS" on it I put "Surgery Fund".  I did that at the beginning of February and I actually have gotten more money than I thought I would have.  

But I really want to give a shout out to one of my friends, Josh.  We went out and he was asking how I was...I said I would be better if I had 8 grand so I could just get my surgery over with.  He looked at me and said "I'll give you a hundred."  I was slightly dumbfounded.  Times are hard (especially financially) and to have a friend just offer up a hundred dollars is incredibly moving.  He said he had no issue giving me the money because it was for the greater good.  

So surgery fund is officially starting...let's see how soon I can schedule my surgery....

Trans Awareness

We have groups like Nagly (North Shore Alliance Gay and Lesbian Youth [cool group of people]) and Gay Straight Alliances, some of which are accepting of trans people while others are not.  The problem is...how do trans people know where they will be accepted and how do they know they are not just going to be hearing about gay and lesbian life?  Don't get me wrong I don't think that there has to be a group that talks about trans issues or life 50% of the time.  It just seems as though there aren't many places that just have trans in the name you know?  For a noob in the trans community it can be hard to navigate I just wish it was a bit clearer.

Jokes

I like to think that I am a pretty easy going guy, but I realized something over the weekend: gender jokes (whether about me or not) are not something I keep a cool head about.  I don't know if that will always be the case but for right now I get all fired up.  I think it is probably because half the time I have people calling me a girl while the a quarter of the time people just openly stare at me trying to figure out my gender and then the other quarter of the time I get properly labeled as the gender I know myself to be...the last thing I want is to read or hear someone making a joke about gender.  Don't get me wrong dumb guy jokes and "women should be making me a sandwich" jokes don't bother me.  I don't know how to define the line and what crosses over it...but I am working on it.

First Event 2013

On Friday my mom along with a couple of friends and I went to Kowloon for dinner.  It was a regular Friday night until a big group of people walked through the front doors and one of them was a fairly tall man with what looked to me like a tutu.  My mom being the outgoing woman that she is said "I just have to talk to him."  So off she went to the other side of the bar to talk to him.  After a few minutes I suddenly hear my name from across the bar and my mother is gesturing for me to come over to the group.  It turned out that they were actually a group of people from First Event coming down for dinner.  Now I am sure you are thinking to yourself, what is first event.  I was as well, but I found out that it is a transgender conference with workshops and vendors and all sorts of people on the gender spectrum.The man in the tutu...who we shall call my fairy godmother, brought me to the ship and introduced me to his group of friends, the majority of which where transgender women.  My fairy godmother told me that First Event was going to be happening on Saturday as well and I should come up.

On Saturday I woke up and didn't quite know what to expect.  I hopped in the car and drove to the peabody marriot.  When I got to the hotel I was nervous, but it was amazing to see so many people that were transgender all in one place.  I found my fairy godmother quite quickly and he brought me to the transmasculine luncheon.  There was a room full of trans men having lunch just chatting away.  After lunch I met up with my fairy godmother again and he ended up paying my registration fee so that I could go to the other workshops that day.  It was a very interesting experience, and because of going there I am now getting set to go to a Nagly meeting (which is a group for gay, lesbian and transgender youth going up to age 23).  Lets see how much I can get myself out of my comfort zone!

Blast from the past

Friday, of last week I went to my old high school for a lunch time visit with the GSA (gay straight alliance).  LGBT Alumni were invited and unfortunately I was the only one who showed up.  I understand that people have other commitments, but I was still hoping for a bigger turnout than just little old me.  But after thinking about it I actually realized that it was great that I was the only one who came.  Being that they are titled the Gay Straight Alliance I figured that they talk a lot about struggles of members of the gay and lesbian communities but they probably don't know all that much about the life of someone who is Transgender.  It turns out I was right, and what made it even better was that they had recently watched a video that dealt with  people who were transgender.

When I got there I was excited to see all the diversity in this group of people who were supportive of the LGBT community.  They had a lot of awesome questions and they all tried to be as respectful as they could be.  I was honored to have the opportunity to shed some light on a topic that doesn't get discussed nearly as much as it should.

Flirting and passing

So for as long as I can remember it has always been fairly difficult for me to start a conversation with anyone I think is attractive or anyone I look up to...or quite frankly anyone who seems the least bit more confident then me.  That makes sense for a lot of reasons.  I wasn't confident or happy in who I was which just made it worse any time I would try to introduce myself.  Imagine, if you will, a train that is traveling somewhat slowly on a bridge.  That train then reaches the end of the bridge...unfortunately the conductor did not know that the bridge was not complete and the train goes tumbling into a ravine.  That is the image I used to get in my head, but this past weekend a lot has changed.  Now I am not saying that my low self esteem is cured but it is most certainly better then it was.  So here is what happened:

On Friday I went to Kowloon with my parents and about a half hour after we got there an attractive 26 year old woman sat down and her friend (also 26) stood next to her.  I took a deep breath and asked the one standing up if she wanted my seat or if she at least wanted me to push over so she could squeeze in another chair.  She thanked me but said she was fine.  After that initial exchange it just seemed easier and easier to find a way to enter in to their conversation.  As the night progressed I had both of them laughing hysterically, and I even went as far as to buy them drinks.  Well long story short, when it was time for them to leave they both said that I had made their nights and they hope the next time they come they will see me.  The best part was that I passed the whole time...and, well, they flirted back!

The next night we went out I stayed a bit longer then everyone else to talk to a waitress that I had been thinking about striking up a conversation with (not necessarily with the goal of getting in her pants or anything, more so I could practice talking to pretty girls).  Anyway I did end up talking to her and went back to my seat at the bar to finish my drink.  While sipping on my drink I had the wonderful fortune of having to two attractive women sit next to me (this time through the conversation I found out that they had kids...so they would not be in the cougar category yet but they were certainly in the MILF category!).  After having several exchanges a friend of their's said they finally got a table.  The women said that they would be right over and they ended up staying with me for a bit longer.  After their buddy came back over and gave them a nice reminder that he was sitting at the table all alone they said they would be right over.  After finishing their drinks they invited me over to their table.  And the rest is history.

So, like I said, I am not cured of low self esteem but it has increased about ten fold!