First Event 2013

On Friday my mom along with a couple of friends and I went to Kowloon for dinner.  It was a regular Friday night until a big group of people walked through the front doors and one of them was a fairly tall man with what looked to me like a tutu.  My mom being the outgoing woman that she is said "I just have to talk to him."  So off she went to the other side of the bar to talk to him.  After a few minutes I suddenly hear my name from across the bar and my mother is gesturing for me to come over to the group.  It turned out that they were actually a group of people from First Event coming down for dinner.  Now I am sure you are thinking to yourself, what is first event.  I was as well, but I found out that it is a transgender conference with workshops and vendors and all sorts of people on the gender spectrum.The man in the tutu...who we shall call my fairy godmother, brought me to the ship and introduced me to his group of friends, the majority of which where transgender women.  My fairy godmother told me that First Event was going to be happening on Saturday as well and I should come up.

On Saturday I woke up and didn't quite know what to expect.  I hopped in the car and drove to the peabody marriot.  When I got to the hotel I was nervous, but it was amazing to see so many people that were transgender all in one place.  I found my fairy godmother quite quickly and he brought me to the transmasculine luncheon.  There was a room full of trans men having lunch just chatting away.  After lunch I met up with my fairy godmother again and he ended up paying my registration fee so that I could go to the other workshops that day.  It was a very interesting experience, and because of going there I am now getting set to go to a Nagly meeting (which is a group for gay, lesbian and transgender youth going up to age 23).  Lets see how much I can get myself out of my comfort zone!

Blast from the past

Friday, of last week I went to my old high school for a lunch time visit with the GSA (gay straight alliance).  LGBT Alumni were invited and unfortunately I was the only one who showed up.  I understand that people have other commitments, but I was still hoping for a bigger turnout than just little old me.  But after thinking about it I actually realized that it was great that I was the only one who came.  Being that they are titled the Gay Straight Alliance I figured that they talk a lot about struggles of members of the gay and lesbian communities but they probably don't know all that much about the life of someone who is Transgender.  It turns out I was right, and what made it even better was that they had recently watched a video that dealt with  people who were transgender.

When I got there I was excited to see all the diversity in this group of people who were supportive of the LGBT community.  They had a lot of awesome questions and they all tried to be as respectful as they could be.  I was honored to have the opportunity to shed some light on a topic that doesn't get discussed nearly as much as it should.

Flirting and passing

So for as long as I can remember it has always been fairly difficult for me to start a conversation with anyone I think is attractive or anyone I look up to...or quite frankly anyone who seems the least bit more confident then me.  That makes sense for a lot of reasons.  I wasn't confident or happy in who I was which just made it worse any time I would try to introduce myself.  Imagine, if you will, a train that is traveling somewhat slowly on a bridge.  That train then reaches the end of the bridge...unfortunately the conductor did not know that the bridge was not complete and the train goes tumbling into a ravine.  That is the image I used to get in my head, but this past weekend a lot has changed.  Now I am not saying that my low self esteem is cured but it is most certainly better then it was.  So here is what happened:

On Friday I went to Kowloon with my parents and about a half hour after we got there an attractive 26 year old woman sat down and her friend (also 26) stood next to her.  I took a deep breath and asked the one standing up if she wanted my seat or if she at least wanted me to push over so she could squeeze in another chair.  She thanked me but said she was fine.  After that initial exchange it just seemed easier and easier to find a way to enter in to their conversation.  As the night progressed I had both of them laughing hysterically, and I even went as far as to buy them drinks.  Well long story short, when it was time for them to leave they both said that I had made their nights and they hope the next time they come they will see me.  The best part was that I passed the whole time...and, well, they flirted back!

The next night we went out I stayed a bit longer then everyone else to talk to a waitress that I had been thinking about striking up a conversation with (not necessarily with the goal of getting in her pants or anything, more so I could practice talking to pretty girls).  Anyway I did end up talking to her and went back to my seat at the bar to finish my drink.  While sipping on my drink I had the wonderful fortune of having to two attractive women sit next to me (this time through the conversation I found out that they had kids...so they would not be in the cougar category yet but they were certainly in the MILF category!).  After having several exchanges a friend of their's said they finally got a table.  The women said that they would be right over and they ended up staying with me for a bit longer.  After their buddy came back over and gave them a nice reminder that he was sitting at the table all alone they said they would be right over.  After finishing their drinks they invited me over to their table.  And the rest is history.

So, like I said, I am not cured of low self esteem but it has increased about ten fold!

New things learned

So even being transgender and the person who is going through the transition there are still things that I don't necessarily know quite yet.  Now thanks to TQ Nation I have a space where I can ask questions and get answers from people who have already been through the journey that i am just starting.

For example I wasn't completely clear about my future on Testosterone; Would I have to take it forever?  Would my dosage get increased?  And so on.  I learned that I will have to be on testosterone for the rest of my life (which I am fine with, but it is also good to know).  My dosage will also get increased and/or changed throughout my life.  I also learned that if I keep my reproductive organs and continue to take Testosterone my risk of getting cervical cancer will be increased.

I think that if people ask me questions and I am not 100% sure of the answer I should just tell them.  And then let them know when I do find out the answers.

When is it time to correct people?

I have been wondering about this for awhile.  It is a question that has a lot of different answers on all sorts of levels.  I have friends and family that I am already correcting (to the best of my knowledge not in a rude way) but what about other people?

For strangers that I, in all likelihood, will never see again I have absolutely no problem saying whoa, I'm actually a dude.  But at the same time...if I am not going to see them again why make them feel stupid that they called me the wrong pronoun.  Maybe it will make them less likely to just assume gender, but at the same rate it could change nothing.  It would probably make me feel better if they corrected themselves, and I think I should probably focus on me.

What about the people that have known me since I was little?  Seeing as how I now work at my mom's flower shop when people call or come in a lot of times they will say, "Is this Valerie's daughter?"  I don't want to be rude and say no, because that is all they have ever known me to be.  But I also don't want them to continue to call me little girl, or daughter in the future.  Then there is also the worry that they might not be very open minded and someone that my mom has had as a customer for years will no longer come because of the transgender child.  On the other hand there is also the idea that we wouldn't want them to shop here after they were not tolerant anyway.  So final ruling?

Then there are friends of my friends.  If I met them after I came out as trans my friends tend to do a good job of introducing me as Damien (or at least a guy) so that part is all fine and well.  If I met them before I came out as trans that is another story.  But since they aren't really my personal friends I think it would probably be better to ask our mutual friend how they would prefer me to handle it.

So the ruling is:
Strangers - Correct them regardless
Parental Acquaintances - Politely explain the situation
Personal Acquaintances - Ask mutual friend how they would like me to proceed
Close friends & family - bust their chops correcting them (or just correct them)