1 Month on T

So November 24th was one month on Testosterone.  I filmed a little clip of me the day of my first shot and on the 24th of November.  There is definitely a difference in the sound of my voice and there will be more to come!  I am going to continue to try and film as close to month increments (as I can remember) to be able to follow the process that way as well.  When I have a bit more to show I will be sure to post it.  Thank you all for the continued love and support.

Transgender Day of Remembrance

Today, November 20th, is the 14th annual international Transgender Day of Remembrance.  Today we should remember all the people who too soon met their end.  In the last twelve months alone over 250 people have lost their lives because of ignorance, closed minds, and violence.  That isn't even mentioning the people who were beaten, raped or left for dead yet somehow managed to hang on just long enough to get help.  Not to mention, all the children that are living out on the streets because their parents disowned them for being honest.  And what about the men and women that commit suicide because they fear they will never be loved as their proper gender or because they honestly think there are no other possible options to make things better.  How can this still be a reality for any group of people?  How is it that people feel entitled to beating and killing innocent people just because their genitals don't match the gender they know themselves to be?  Yes, today is a day to honor those souls who left the earth plane because of intolerance.

But today we should also celebrate because of how far we have come.  We should celebrate our friends, families and allies for helping us go further towards the future.  We should celebrate the lives of the transgender community, and all those that came before us.  So instead of letting the negative consume us, we also need to remember that we have strength simply because we are more honest, then most people can say they themselves are.  We are transgender, and even though we know the risks we still become the most we that we can be.

Poem about my journey

I haven't really been writing all that much (poetry wise anyway), so this is my first piece in awhile.  It is sort of out there and there are probably people who aren't going to get it...but this is how I choose to express my feelings about my journey so far.  Still working on a title though:

It is this strange sort of melody
with electronic
and historic lighting
singing a duet.
One leads me toward my future
while the other urges me
not to forget my past.

The screen seems blinding
while the candle burns bright.

Looking back I find situations
that left my soul believing
it could not conceivably have felt worse.
And though my future may be completely unknown
it leaves my very existence
with a feeling full of possibility,
full of hope.

Somehow I find my way back,
back to my present
with a reality
of being completely content
with where I am
at this exact moment.

No my life is far from perfect,
but it is mine all the same.
Only I can live it,
so I choose to live it well.

Hormone Balances

Now that I have taken my second shot of T and I am a little more than a week away from taking my third I have a little more of a grip on how it is affecting me.  In all honesty my body and mind are still trying to get a handle on my hormones.  After all my body is still producing estrogen, but then it is also getting bi monthly doses of testosterone.  I know that in the future everything will balance out, but as of right now my moods and emotions are not as much under my control as I want them to be.  For example sometimes I am as calm and mellow as can be while other times an out of place comment might rub me the wrong way.  I guess that is all for now, more to come later.

Helpful Tips for dating a Transman

No I am not dating anyone right now...but I figured I might as well write about this before I am blinded by love, or just if I do start dating someone they can just read and they don't have to worry about asking me.

So here are some guidelines, or helpful hints to dating me as a transman*:

1. Don't call me your girlfriend
• This is kind of self explanatory I think, but even if you are dating me and you identify as a lesbian I am NOT a girl.  But even when it is just the two of us, I am a guy so please don't do it!  Male Pronouns in general are the way to go.
2. Don't out me
• There are some people who will know me from the past, but I want to move forward.  Anyone who is just meeting me can think that I am just another guy.  It is in no way that I am ashamed of who I am and what I have to overcome, I simply just don't want to constantly be looked at as that transkid.
3. Just ask
• There are a lot of terms that transmen use (T, packing, binding, etc.) that might not be known very well to everyone else, so if you have a question just ask.  As long as you do it when it is just the two of us, or don't make it a big deal I don't care.
4. Male compliments
• Let's be honest, would you call a cis guy beautiful or pretty?  Now don't get me wrong you also don't have to say something like, "Oh you handsome hunk".  The one word I will accept no matter what however is "adorable".

*Heads Up - Everyone is different, some things that might be important to me might not be as important to another transman and vice versa.  Best option is if you have a question just ask!

Driver's License

This past week I was lucky enough to get everything all set so that I could change my gender on my driver's license.  I was a bit worried that it would be more complicated than it actually was, and I was also worried that I might have some grumblings or rude comments from the person that took care of me at the RMV.

Well in the state of Massachusetts it is actually much easier than you would expect, you simply need to get a gender designation form signed by a physician, therapist, counselor, or licensed social worker.  For anyone who wants to see the form: http://www.masstpc.org/pubs/gendermarker/MA_gender_change.pdf

Once you have that form signed you can head on down to the RMV, once at the RMV you receive an application for change of information.  I had to fill out all of my information as it was, and then on the back I was able to check off the proper gender.  By the time my number was called I had butterflies in my stomach...it was a mixture of being nervous and excited all at the same time.  I got called to station number 8, and any of you who know me know that 8 is my lucky number, so I knew everything was going to be just fine.  It was clear that the woman never had dealt with a change of gender, but she was also very kind and did not make any out of line comments.  However if it were the case that she had refused to help me I knew that it is completely in my right to ask for a manager or any kind of supervisor.  Since that was not the case it was just a happy Halloween day where I got to be recognized for the gender I already see myself as!

Thanks for reading and all the support, more to come!

Name change

There have been a lot of people that ask me why I chose the name Damien or what that name means.  Damien means to tame, but that is not why I picked it as a name.  It was a name that popped into my head and it just sort of stuck.  Believe me I looked up names and all their meanings and I think at one point I had a list of 12 or so names, but for some reason the name Damien just always felt right.  I have begun to trust my gut a lot more than I used to, because it has brought me to this point in my journey I know that sometimes it is the only choice.

Other questions are why did I not just keep Dakota, it was a perfectly androgynous name.  I think some of the reason is that it reminds me of times when I was not happy in the skin that I inhabited.  And everyone is right, the name is androgynous, but I wanted something that left no doubt.  If someone tells you their name is Dakota you think of Dakota Fanning or some star's son that is named Dakota, if someone tells you their name is Damien there isn't really much room for you to think about any girls named Damien.  But I also did not want to just completely get rid of it either so I added an h (which is actually the more masculine way of spelling Dakota) and made it my middle name.

Have a question?

So just putting this out there...I am pretty much an open book about the whole experience so if you have a question ask me.  If you have something you want me to write about in my blog, tell me.  Whatever you ask I promise I won't act like you are stupid, because things that are obvious to me I know are not going to be things that are obvious to everyone else.  Quite frankly though I would rather you ask me straight up then end up sounding like a jackass because you start talking about something that you know nothing about.  So please ask, and I will be happy to answer any questions you may have.