Thursday, January 3, 2013

When is it time to correct people?

I have been wondering about this for awhile.  It is a question that has a lot of different answers on all sorts of levels.  I have friends and family that I am already correcting (to the best of my knowledge not in a rude way) but what about other people?

For strangers that I, in all likelihood, will never see again I have absolutely no problem saying whoa, I'm actually a dude.  But at the same time...if I am not going to see them again why make them feel stupid that they called me the wrong pronoun.  Maybe it will make them less likely to just assume gender, but at the same rate it could change nothing.  It would probably make me feel better if they corrected themselves, and I think I should probably focus on me.

What about the people that have known me since I was little?  Seeing as how I now work at my mom's flower shop when people call or come in a lot of times they will say, "Is this Valerie's daughter?"  I don't want to be rude and say no, because that is all they have ever known me to be.  But I also don't want them to continue to call me little girl, or daughter in the future.  Then there is also the worry that they might not be very open minded and someone that my mom has had as a customer for years will no longer come because of the transgender child.  On the other hand there is also the idea that we wouldn't want them to shop here after they were not tolerant anyway.  So final ruling?

Then there are friends of my friends.  If I met them after I came out as trans my friends tend to do a good job of introducing me as Damien (or at least a guy) so that part is all fine and well.  If I met them before I came out as trans that is another story.  But since they aren't really my personal friends I think it would probably be better to ask our mutual friend how they would prefer me to handle it.

So the ruling is:
Strangers - Correct them regardless
Parental Acquaintances - Politely explain the situation
Personal Acquaintances - Ask mutual friend how they would like me to proceed
Close friends & family - bust their chops correcting them (or just correct them)

1 comment:

  1. As far as customers of the flower shop, if they have a problem with your status, they are welcome to find a different (& in all likelihood, far inferior) florist. Just kidding on the inferior part but not on the finding another florist. As we discussed, my one & only resolution was to also no longer worry about if it might confuse customers and just go ahead & explain that my Koty, The Child Formerly Referred To As My Daughter, has in fact always been my son and now it's just being made more real! So far, some explanations have been required and others just take it at face value but all have been very accepting.

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