Not quite whole

Disclaimer:  Every so often there will be a post that is, in all likelihood, going to come off as whining and poor me esque.  I will always try to put a warning at the top, but I just need to vent and work through things sometimes.

I haven't had anyone specifically say that I am not enough of a man, or a man at all in a hurtful way.  I have plenty of people saying that though just because they are blissfully ignorant to my new journey.  But it kind of sucks when you are doing all that you can to be this person that you know you were always meant to be, and you let that idea sink in to your mind even an inch.  I can try as hard as I want for heteronormality, and just be with a woman but there will always be a piece that is not quite complete.  I wasn't born with the right parts so there is a piece of me that knows emotionally I will be an amazing partner, but in reality not being born with the right parts gives you this daunting feeling that you may fall short of physically pleasing your girlfriend or boyfriend the way that they may crave.

Believe it or not guys, typically, are actually shy and even sometimes nervous when they ask someone out.  Because I am not your typical guy under the hood I will have the added nervous factor of after getting a yes somewhere down the line I am going to have to say, "Oh and by the way I was actually born with a female's body."  Don't get me wrong if someone told me that I could restart this life but as a whole and complete guy I would say no, and that may sound stupid or you may not get it...but I would not be who I am today if I was born "right".  And yes I may have shortcomings, but who doesn't?  I can look at myself in the mirror and say life threw me lemons...but the lemonade doesn't taste all that bad or I can look at myself in the mirror and say I just got a booty call from life, apparently it wants to keep fucking me!  I am going to try and be positive about it cause after all I do actually like lemonade!

You are who you are, shortcomings and all.  I am proud to say that I am a transman, and quite frankly that gives me all the balls I need to be a REAL man!