Making the decision and realization to come out as trans was a big one. When my mom was pregnant with me she was convinced that she was having a boy...and then out came me. An adorable little porcelain doll faced cherub. But one day when I was three I brought my sock bucket (yes I keep my socks in a bucket) up to my mother and slammed it down infront of her saying "If you don't cut the ruffles off I'm not wearing them!" I meant business and from then on, at least for a long while I would get crew cuts, and sweater vests, the boy toys at McDonald's (which I think is a bad idea to have girl and boy toys...but hey that is just me) the whole nine yards...I even tried to shave like my dad.
At that point though I had absolutely no information about the trans community or even that it was a reality. I mean I knew that there were people that had to be the T in LGBT but it was really just a word. And because I wanted the world to like me and accept me I started to grow my hair out and on occasion wear dresses. Never liked it though. And then I came out as a lesbian. I liked girls I just thought that was what that meant. *Disclaimer* not all FtMs like girls, they can like men too. Just because you are transgender does not mean your preferences change. Sexual Identity and sexual preference are two very different thing* Any who I digress...I didn't take into account anything else that was going on in my head. But when I came out as a lesbian I just knew it was wrong. Don't get me wrong, all of my gay and lesbian friends are wonderful...it is not a choice and they deserve just as much happiness as anyone else, but for me personally I knew that it just didn't quite click.
There was a trans character (luckily enough for me a female to male) and then I started watching videos and clips with FtM people and also just read information about what being trans was. The more I read the more I realized this is my cup of tea. Everything that would go on in my head was now at least somewhat clearer. And I didn't want to let society dictate the wrong life for me anymore!
Trying to post again...unsuccessful the first time. What I started to say got lost in cyberspace, but I feel that it is worth rewriting. I don't understand, but that is because I have never been through this experience. We all have life experiences that we cannot fully understand unless we have actually been through it ourselves. A lack of understanding due to a lack of experience is not a bad thing...it just is. What is not okay is judgement (I wrote a whole blog post on that one). It is also not okay to withhold love for any reason. That is what we are called to do while we spend our time here on this earth. "Love is the only reality" ~ Deepak Chopra.
ReplyDelete“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. "John 13:33-35 . It doesn't say you "should" love one another, it says you "must." I want you to know that I will never judge you and will always love you, but not because I feel like I have to, but because I choose to. I know no other way and I am thankful for that. As you describe yourself in your blog profile, you are one of the nicest people...I agree with your description. We are all of equal, infinite worth. I have struggled with that concept all my life, but I think as I grow older I grow wiser and am perhaps beginning to understand. I hope you realize that too. May we all learn to internalize this fact together as we love each other--one worthy human being to another.
I wish you only the best in your journey.
With love, Elin